I came to the conclusion several years ago that I cannot make everyone happy. I was naturally an introvert and would avoid controversy for the sake of being contrary or hurting someone’s feelings. But that did not mean that I did not have an opinion on a hot topic, I usually just held my tongue. My typical stance is, if I’m not part of the problem or the solution then I’ll just keep to myself. On very few occasions, I spoke my opinion in what I thought was a safe place offering my point of view in a close circle of family and friends. The few times I did share my voice, my words where taken, twisted and used against me.

This caused a shut down personally in my life. I went inward and would not open myself to anyone. I detached myself from people around me, in hopes to protect myself from further pain and accusation. During this time and for several years that followed, I poured myself into my art and obtained skills to perfect my craft. I discovered new things about myself, both good and bad. I found where I was vulnerable and I also learned strengths that I did not know I had. I withdrew from people I thought loved me and gave myself to only those I knew loved me. This pulled me away from what was supposed to be a safe haven of God’s chosen people. During this time, I found myself closer to other hurting people, who had been damaged by people, relationships, religion and power trips. Some days were dark and lonely and some I am not proud of, but you know, I wouldn’t trade it. It opened my eyes to a reality the church and religious people turn away from.

My eyes were also opened to a loving God that did not love me based on my performance or living a perfect and spotless life. I experienced a God that was full of grace and mercy who loved me and held me through dark storms. I learned not to put my trust in people, but in His unending love and grace.  During this time I learned to love others without judgment and sizing them up against my own life. I also realized that it is ok to receive this same kind of love. For the first time, I felt a victorious freedom that I had never experienced in my past.

I have always been open to criticism and I accept it so that I can grow from it. One of the things that helped me the most in my photography profession was to submit my work to masters in the field and have them critique it. Taking their advice and critique and learning from it to advance my work to a new level. I became selective and wise in who to receive criticism from, because some people want nothing more than to cut down and criticize those around them whether invited or not. Giving them a feeling of power and superiority. Instead of being vulnerable to just anyone, I would only submit my work for critique from those I wanted my work to emulate or be influenced by.

We should have these mentors and role models in our personal lives too. Spend time with people who’s lives are filled with the same things you want for your life. Chances are, they can give constructive criticism and probably share a few stories that will point you in the right way. It is important to learn from our own mistakes, but much more wise to learn from other’s mistakes.

My family recently had a barrage of hurtful words and accusations hurled at us in a personal attack that years ago would have caused a huge set back to my life. While this is more than just disappointment, it is very damaging to longtime family relationships, creating a hurt that is deeply painful and will leave a lifetime of scars. Although, I have decided to not retreat like I did in the past, but I have made a choice that it will only propel me further in the direction I am called to.  My family is more important to me than letting someone’s skewed view of our life dictate my emotions and react in an unhealthy manner. They need me to be present for them and willing to walk together through anything that life presents us. I value being together more than being right. If you are facing haters or someone tearing you down and criticizing you right now, turn negative actions into a positive force in your life to overcome. You can still learn from them, just don’t let them destroy you. Find the positive people around you,meet with them receive their encouragement that will keep you going forward. Just take that next step. Don’t be stagnant.

Victories don’t come without battles, if they did, they would not be called victories.