Each day I woke up a little more depressed than I was the day before. Surrounded by mountains of problems and results of bad decisions I knew something had to give. I was an insomniac, and if I did get to sleep, I didn’t care if I woke up. I would lay in bed with my jaw clenched so tight, my neck would lock up and I couldn’t move my head left or right. My back was constantly in pain, no matter how many trips I made to the chiropractor’s office.

I found myself in a lonely place trapped and not wanting to face the day. Looking for an escape, I dived deeper into my work which was something I had once enjoyed. Thinking that making more money was the only answer to correct the situation.  I had put aside my faith, to take care of situations in my own strength. This drove me further away from the people closest to me. Though I was physically there going through the motions. Emotionally and spiritually, I was on indefinite leave. Blame shifting and head games continually occupied my thoughts. What if? But why? How come?…. Who was right? Who was wrong? Who’s at fault? Where did I make the wrong turn? Why was I where I was? How could this be happening?

There was a way to wipe the slate clean. Forgiveness. Once I decided to stop blaming everyone else in my life, and let go of the anger that I  had allowed to take hold of my every thought. I decided to trust that it will be OK, even though I didn’t know what OK was gonna look like.

Deciding to surrender all of my mental warfare and let the past be the past. We all do the best we can with what we got, and sometimes that’s not enough. Mistakes happen, we don’t always make the right decision, we don’t always get the best advice, we sometimes make bad decisions, even out of ignorance or fear and they can lead to more bad decisions and unfavorable results. Circumstances can force us into situations that we never thought we’d be in, no matter how much you planned to not be there. We don’t live in a perfect world. And a pain-free life without problems was never promised to us. We can find ourselves surrounded by uncertainty, failure, and lost hope, but worrying about it and being angry doesn’t make it any better.

Deciding to put the past in the past is an initial decision. But after that, it is a daily decision. It doesn’t make all of the problems go away instantly. There are still plenty of problems and messes to clean up. But having a clear head and a willing heart to work through it makes all of the difference.

Choosing love and commitment, walking out promises made the difference in my life.

You have a choice to make, today and everyday. I hope you choose to forgive and to love. It is what will set you free.